Feb 202015

Agonised Aunt Arielle Answers

Dear Aunt Arielle

Please help! I am a highly decorated Cannoneer with a well-known dirigible but I have a most embarassing problem; I am having a dreadful time of telling the difference between splurge shot and zigzag shot. I know it sounds ridiculous and you might wonder as to how I have managed to get away with it for as long as I have, but try as I might I can’t tell one from the other. Never could. Now I’m having trouble sleeping at night, I spend every waking moment terrified that the Captain will find out and when he does he’ll be so disappointed (perhaps even violent!). I certainly can’t bring myself to tell him, that would be a sure way to get fired and unbelievably humiliating. No, no – to admit to not knowing the most basic data on types of shot would be unforgiveable!

How I can get out of this terrible (and sleepless) predicament with my dignity in tact? My sincere thanks for your help – Sergeant Pfeffer (real name witheld).

Dear Sergeant Pfeffer (although I know you well, don’t I Sgt.P?)

Oh dear! We are in a pickle aren’t we? Poor thing, I do so sympathise!

DO COME ON MAN! Do you know what I hate most about whining little twerps who can’t tell the difference between their shot? What the fliff is wrong with you man? And what a snivelling little idjit you are. It’s so simple even a . . . . a simpleton could work it out. Forget the Captain, I know him and he’s a bit of brap himself. Just threaten a pathetic weasle of a subordinate with a public flogging and get him to show you. Then mark all the zigzag shot with a glow-in-the-dark scribbler, saving one for future reference.

Now get out of here before I snitch on you to the Captain for being so monstrously inept.

Aunt Arielle

Write to Aunt Arielle … at your own risk

River otter with ambitions to be a superhero seeks gentle, meek lady for frequent rescuing. All daring deeds are covered by personal insurance. Scribe: obs1c-RESCUE